Being female, and human and I’ve definitely had my moments of being unhappy with my body.
I grew up naturally thin and was blessed with a fast metabolism. Growing up I didn’t ever think about my weight or feel self conscious about my body.
Pressure of comparison
In my twenties I’ve decided to pursue modelling and got signed with modelling agencies. I noticed the quick shift to feeling the pressure of always being “bikini ready”. The same body that I’d go to the beach or feel good in swimwear was now feeling the pressure. I felt that I should be doing more.
There was a pressure to be more toned and have more of a thigh gap. I’ve started obsessively exercising and meticulously watching what I eat. I already had a body that by the world’s standard is called “body goals” but it wasn't feeling enough.
Looking back I can tell that it wasn’t necessarily the modelling industry itself that made me feel this way. It was the fact that I was constantly comparing myself to others.
My pregnant body
My first pregnancy
In my late twenties I fell pregnant. I can honestly say it’s the most confident I felt and it was when I most loved my body. I’m not sure if it was my new curves or crazy baby hormones. I was wearing stuff out of my closet that I thought I couldn't pull off before I was pregnant.
Within 8 weeks after giving birth I was back at my pre-baby weight. Back to my usual body without any marks or real signs of giving birth. Without much struggle I got what others would have to diet and sweat for.
My second pregnancy
My second baby was a totally different story all together. I gained 40kgs during my pregnancy. I was extremely sick for the majority of both of my pregnancies but I definitely did not love my body or feel the pregnancy glow second time round. Combined with a pretty rough birth and over a three month recovery put me in probably my lowest ever.
My own body image struggles
I felt disgusting, but the worst is that I was fully aware of how ridiculous I’m being. I was blessed with two babies that I didn’t think I could have.
For years I had longed to fall pregnant and be a mum. It was a miracle that with all of my health complications I’ve managed to have two healthy boys.
I have an amazing husband who adores me and loves my body. I was hashtag blessed yet somehow I felt this way.
Eventually I got to the point where I didn't want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to feel like my appearance has so much control over me. I don't want to hide the beautiful realness of my body because the more we hide the real and unfiltered stuff the more we feed the beast. The more distorted reality starts to look.
Revolution to be real
Learning to love my body has been journey. I can’t say that I’ve perfected it but I believe it's small steps. Every day I make a decision to appreciate and love the body that carries me through life. Yes, being healthy and keeping fit is important.
However I also think that we need to look at the core issues and not just the symptoms. Bottom line is that our happiness can’t come from looking a certain way or being a certain number on the scale.
Will we crumble when we gain a few kilos? A few extra rolls? A few smile lines or those little crinkles lines near or eyes?
As a woman, I find it funny how we want our bodies to stay in an unrealistic state! We desire to look like we have never grown and fed a human. Isn’t this crazy?
We want to look like our weight never fluctuated or like we’ve never smiled or laughed. We get caught in wanting our bodies to look how we like to keep our houses...Spotlessly clean like no one lives there. But when did the #livedinlook go so out of fashion?
We are enough
I can definitely feel the change is coming. I want for all women to join in on the revolution to be real. I want to feel enough, to get our butts to the beach and enjoy that sunshine.
Let’s make real normal. The jiggly tummies, the once perky boobs that now are little droopy. The badass tiger stripes, those silly spider veins.
Our bodies are beautiful the way they are. We just gotta make that daily choice to feel good in the skin we’re in.